Happy Boy!

Does this look like a happy boy?
This is actually Harrison's first Ice Cream Cone.
Due to his milk allergy he hasn't had the finer things in life like milk, ice cream and cheese! This is Tofu ice cream. The kids love it. It's not too bad if you don't have a bowl of Bluebell next to it to compare.

Feliz Navidad!

I wanted to wish everyone out there a Merry Christmas! It is Christmas Eve-Eve and I am trying to get everything packed up and ready to go. We are going to Paul's folks for Christmas in Spring Hill then the kids and I are going to Elijay for a few days to spend time with my parents. I am looking forward to Christmas finally. It has been hard to get into the season this year - being 75 degrees outside. However the last couple of days, even though still warm, I have gotten more in the mood. I have been baking ginger cookies and making peppermint bark (thank you Debra). It makes if feel a little more like Christmas (even though I can't eat any of it - I did cheat a little).
I have felt less stress this year than ever before. I think because we have decided to take the emphasis off of the present thing it makes it so much more enjoyable.
I don't think Harrison fully understands what is going on yet and Julia is so funny. We have been very open with her about Santa not being a real person - that he is a fun pretend. Yet, she still is asking if Santa is going to come and if he can find her stocking in the office (it is still in a box on top of the book shelf). I'm sure the whole Santa thing is very confusing. Almost as confusing as the fact that we are celebrating Jesus' birthday. Someone she has never seen, yet we talk to him all the time, supposed to love him, and are going to make a cake for him even though he won't eat it. Hmmmm. Oh, the faith of a child. If we could all have just an ounce of it.
I hope you all have a wonderful holiday!

Happy Birthday to me

I finally did it!!

After 2 years of thinking about it I got my tattoo for my birthday. I really love it. It has a lot of meaning to me. My good friend Chanda helped me design it and she drew it for me. Emily - (pictured with me) friend from church is a tattoo artist at Billy Joes downtown.

It was a great experience.

Meaning: The vine represents Jesus to me. The flower is me blossoming because of what Christ has done for me and the butterfly symbolizes the transformation I have been through this year. I do feel like a new creation and now I have a forever reminder of that fact!

inspiration

I was so blown away tonight. I had a date night with myself. It was actually quite strange to be in my house all by myself. I don't remember the last time that happened.
Anyway. After a bath and doing my nails...
I watched the 2 hours of Extreme Home Makeover. I always cry when I watch this show. Tonight I balled for 2 hours. It was so amazing and inspiring.
The family was a mom/dad/20 mo. old and grandmother. The mother and father were both police officers for the LAPD. The mother was recently shot in the line of duty causing her to be paralyzed. The Grandmother moved in to help with her 20 month old. Their current house was small and she couldn't get around in her wheel chair. Of course ABC and EHM, did an amazing job with the house giving her a some of her freedom back. They sent them on vacation while the house was being built and gave the family some amazing opportunities.
I was just so amazed by this mother. (and the husband for that matter) She lost a huge part of her. She was an active person who loved doing things physically. In an instant that was gone for her. She however is determined to go on. Her husband is supportive and helping her. I know that is a huge part of it.
It was also cool to see the community support this family. They are realized what a sacrifice this mom had made for them. She was protecting them when she was shot. They saw her as a hero and wanted to give something back to her to say thanks.
I guess when I see these stories it just makes me thankful. It also makes me think of how I would want to be if something terrible happened to me. Would I have strength and courage? Would I be a fighter or would I give up? Would I have a great attitude and give glory to God for his blessings?
There are so many times that I look at our present situation and I think...man this just isn't fair. Why can't we get a break? But yet, we get one everyday. We are so blessed. We are loved.
I am so grateful to have a husband who loves me and loves his kids. Paul is amazing. He goes to work without complaint. He fights hard for our family. I am overwhelmed by him and the love that he shows us. He truly is my hero. I love to pray for him. The kids pray for him every night. They pray protection over him and they pray that God will bless him. I know that God has great things for Paul and our family. God is preparing us for something big. I know he is preparing my heart and getting me ready. I can't wait to see what is coming.

Happy Thanksgiving

I am so thankful this year. The kids and I went to Elijay to spend time with my family. Here are a few highlights...
The biggest reason to give thanks is for my Papa. We got to spend some time with him. He is not doing so well these days. He is finally getting old....at 98.
We spent our time walking in the woods, feeding the goats and throwing wood into a big fire. The kids had a blast getting to throw and destroy...what more could a kid ask for.
I enjoyed being with my mom and dad as always. I wish I could see them more.

Helplessness

Today I was going into the Y like I do most every morning. I walked past the front desk and I heard a voice telling me to go back and get a scripture out of the basket. (they have a scripture basket on the desk) I ignored the voice and kept walking towards the workout area. Again, I heard go back and get one. I knew at that point if I didn't go back it would nag at me until I did so I turned around and got one.

"Faith is the awareness of utter helplessness without God."

I started smiling as I knew that God wanted me to have this message today. I placed it in front of me and read it again and again during my workout.

I am truly learning this simple yet very complex message.
I am utterly helpless without God. There are so many big things I am dealing with in my life, yet God continues to give me strength and peace through them all.
I am so thankful that God continues to prompt me.
I am so glad I decided to respond.

The Fat Smash Me

Ok. I haven't posted a whole lot because I have started another blog. This is a different kind of blog. About 12 days ago I decided I was tired of the way I was emotionally dependant on food. I have also been frustrated and down about my weight. So....I decided it was time. A couple of friends from church are doing the Fat Smash Plan by Dr. Ian for the Tyra Banks show. They are doing so amazing. They encouraged me to give it a try. So I started 11 days ago. It has been easier than I thought. It is totally changing the way I eat and I don't crave food like I used to. I have tried many new foods and found that I like healthy foods. So I have been blogging my experience and daily food as accountability. If you want to check it out http://freedomfightermom.blogspot.com/ there is also a link to it on my friends section.

Fun with paint

Julia decided she wanted to paint her nails. She wanted me to paint polka-dots. Then insisted that I also have the same. Real cool going to work the next day! 

Pumpkin carving party at the Williamson's

We had a great time at our semi-annual pumpkin carving party. It was great to spend time with friends we don't get to see much.
Here are a few pictures of the event.
The first is Roy eating Batman, second is Buster and Chris carving their pumpkins, third is our pumpkins, (I think Chris wins the prize with his haunted house) and lastly is a picture thrown in for Mark and Shari to enjoy.

 

Holloween 2006

Here are some pictures of the kids in their costumes. They had a fun time dressing up. We took them to the mall to trick or treat. They didn't end up with much candy, but had a good time looking at all the children dressed up.
Harrison was way too cute as Batman.

 

Radnor Lake

We took the kids for a walk around Radnor Lake this week. It was really beautiful. Fall is here and I am loving it!
The kids and I also got to the Pumpkin farm this week. I forgot the camera so you will have to wait for me to go again to get some pictures.
I love to be in nature...(when it is cool outside) it makes me feel very connected with God and realize how much he cares about beauty.

Princess on Ice

The child I never placed in pink as a baby has turned into a pretty in pink princess!
It is totally how God designed for a girl to want to be beautiful and a princess. (meaning that she is seen as lovely and important to those around her) It has been neat to see that really come out in Julia.
We went with Gram to see Disney Princess' on Ice last week. Julia really enjoyed seeing all of her "heros."
It was fun to look at all the hundreds of little girls all dressed up in their frilly dresses thinking they were the star of the show.
It makes me think about at what point in our lives as girls do we get the ideas in our heads that it is not ok to think we are beautiful and the star. At some point we get wounded by something that someone says. We are taught then it is not ok to think highly of yourself. You are looked at as conceited if you do. Yet, if you think that you are not beautiful and important, then you have low self-esteem and need therapy.
Oh my, no wonder women are so complicated and messed up.
I pray that we can nurture Julia's feminine heart and protect her from some of the crap that life throws at us.

 

Refining Fire

My small group is currently doing John and Stasi Eldridge's book Captivating.
It has been really good.
God has been slicing open parts of my heart to expose to me areas that I need refining.
It is painful. I don't like to be imperfect.
I like to think of myself as a well put together, organized person that is perfect in every way.
That is a load of crap!
I am not put together, and far from perfect.
I hide behind being controlling and organized so people won't see the true me.
The me that often feels empty, lonely and like a failure.
I run to things that "indulge" me to make me feel better. Food being the main one.
I try to control my husband and children, which only makes them and me feel miserable.
All of this because ultimately I fear failure, rejection and emotional abandonment.
So now that I have been totally vulnerable and exposed all of you to the real me....
it is to say that God is changing me.
He is allowing me to work on it and become free from the crap that I have been living in for so long. I don't want to hide anymore. I don't want to control anymore.
I want to live in true freedom.
It will be a long process I am sure. I don't know how to even start.
However. I feel that letting you all in on it will be a good start.
I am sure the people close to me already knew these things - they have just been too nice to point them out to me.
I am truly sorry for any hurt or pain I have caused someone else due to my controlling spirit.
I need lots of prayers with this....It is hard to undo 31 years of habit.

Harrison Turns Two with Thomas

Today was the BIG 2!
We spent Harrison's birthday riding on Thomas the Train. He loved it.
He had a great day full of Thomas from breakfast to bedtime in his Thomas jammies.
He is such an amazing boy. I just love him so much. I am so thankful that God decided to send me a boy.


 

Who are those good looking people?

I always post pictures of the kids so I thought I would show you what good looking parents they came from. I think we get better looking every year.

Two big events

This is a picture of Julia's first day back at school (parent's day out/pre-k) She loves going to school. She is doing great.

This is a picture of Harrison's black eye - a.k.a. ~ "owey-eye".
Doesn't he look dangerous! 

100 years of joy on a rocking chair

Harrison and my Papa.
Harrison loves him so much. Harrison would run over to papa and hug and kiss him. He crawled up into his lap to get his picture. I think this picture is the happiest I have seen my papa. 

Wanting more

Tonight I have been thinking about some things in life. Mostly good things, but also some things I don't quite understand. I don't understand why some families endure so much pain and others have never had a single bad thing happen. Yet, this particular family I am thinking of at the moment, has held strong to the fact that God is good. Despite horrible, horrible tragedies that have happened in the last year, God is good. He is Lord of their life and he is sovereign and he is good. Man, I want that kind of faith, that kind of passion that keeps driving me everyday. Sometimes it is easy to see and sometimes, it is so difficult. I know that it is normal. I am sure this family has had their days. But ultimately I want to never get to the point of despair. I want to be able to recognize God's goodness in every situation.
I also am feeling right now this longing for something more in my life. Not a job or stuff. But I desire for Paul and I a ministry. Something that we are doing together for God. I want us to be serving in some capacity. Something big. Not just kids ministry at church - although, I know that is a start. But I want something big, something life changing. I don't know what that is right now, but I am praying that God will move big in our life, and prepare us for what is coming.

We really do love each other

Julia and Harrison have their moments of fighting....lots of them, but deep down they really do love each other.
And arn't they so darn cute!

Child prodigy

Harrison is doing very well at his mandolin lessons. He will be performing on stage real soon.

Brokenness

I crashed today. I have allowed the enemy to deceive me into believing lies. I do not like the person I have allowed myself to become.
Through the butt-kicking of a good friend, I can see a little bit better right now that God is good, faithful and wants my complete heart. He doesn't just want it when I feel like it, he wants it all the time. He wants me to understand that the world is going to fail me, relationships are going to fail me, but he will NEVER fail me. He is always there and is the only source of life and comfort. I have to depend on him for comfort and strength not on other people.
This is so hard. It is easier to want the people around us to fill those needs. They are physically there and easier to reach to.
Lord help me to only look to you. I need you so bad right now. I have let myself so easily slip into depression and despair. You are my strength. You are my comforter, my healer, my deliverer, my father, my lover, my friend.
It is so easy to take our eyes off of him for even a minute and let ourselves be deceived.
I am thankful for God's mercy and love that he is willing to pull me out of the pit everytime I fall back into it.

No creative title at this time!

Sorry folks, no creative juices at the moment.
I did however want to write a few tidbits of things going on.
I just returned from Atlanta for a few days. Julia went on her first big trip to Grandma's house by herself. I think she had a great time. It is nice to know she is secure with herself that she can be away from us. My mom said she did great. Her behavior is much better when I am not around. That makes me sad that I don't get the "good," but glad she behaves.
I had a great visit as always with my parents and my grandpa. I love being with them. They are great parents, and I am so glad that we have a good relationship.
I am going to start working a little bit. I met with Salem Publishing today - CCM Magazine. I am going to do odds and ends for them. Some stuff at home, and some in their office. I am excited about the opportunity. It will be nice to make a little money and also have a task in life other than home stuff. I think I need outside stimulation.

Harrison's birthday is coming up in a month. We are planning to take him to ride on Thomas the Train. He loves choo choos. I think he will be really excited getting to ride on one for the first time, especially Thomas. The kids got matching Thomas shirts tonight to wear on their big ride.

Julia is going to get to see the Disney Princess' on Ice. She will be equally excited about that. She is all about being a princess. It will be neat to get to go to that - Thanks Gram.

Not much else going on right now.
Hopefully I will have some creative thoughts in the near future to write about. Or at least get some pictures off my camera to share.

Faith

Our pastor is preaching (again) on faith. It is a subject I am having to learn a lot about right now. We are in a place in our life that could look quite scary for most people. We financially are in a really tough spot. However, God has been so good to me and has given me complete Peace.
I am resting in the fact that God is in control. You guys know I am a control freak and God has been stripping me of all my control. Well, he is replacing it with faith. Tim talks about "faith walkers." I want to be a faith walker. I cannot even describe what this feeling is like right now. I feel so great and confident in Christ and His promises to me.

These are his promises:

Hebrews 11:6
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

Hebrews 13:5
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

Or The Message version:
-Don't be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, "I'll never let you down, never walk off and leave you," we can boldly quote, God is there, ready to help; I'm fearless no matter what. Who or what can get to me?


Then He tells me that I am not to worry. I think it even means it is a sin to worry....

Philippians 4:6 (The Message)

Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

About 3 years ago when Tim spoke on Faith when he came to our church, I felt that God really spoke to me and told me "If you will be obedient, I will bless you." I have tried to figure out since that time just what was the "obedience" and what was the "blessing" I think I was looking for a one time event. I now think I realize that it is definitely a life long thing. If we will be obedient to listen to what he is saying, obey his commands, spend time with him (most important), then he is going to give us a free and blessed life. This does not mean we will be living on easy street and financially stable (unfortunately). It means we will be content with where we are and love him in the midst of where we are.
I am content. I have faith like I have never had before. I love my family and we are blessed everyday.

two for tea and tea for two

This morning I was trying to remember some dates when this interesting little fact came to me.

In my life I have had significant events happen to me every two years.

1992 - Graduated High School
1994 - Got Married
1996 - Graduated College
1998 - Paul was diagnosed with Crohn's Disease
2000 - My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage
2002 - I gave birth to my first child
2004 - I gave birth to my second child
2006 - I was laid of my job of ten years

So I am anxiously awaiting what 2008 has in store!
Hopefully it will be a good year.

my new job

My new job is great. I started 2 weeks ago....I am full time Mom. Part of mom's job is to be a hair stylist. So, I cut Julia's hair. Last night I was afraid I had made a huge mistake. Today, I am quite proud of my work. I think I will keep this job a bit longer.