It has been a rough two weeks for me. I don't know what on earth is going on. Hormonal perhaps, but I think there may be more. Possibly God is trying to get my attention. Thankfully I have been trying to listen in the midst of several emotional melt downs. (I am not the easiest person to live with at the moment I am sure!)
Anyway, I just finished a great book by Dr. Leslie Parrott "You matter more than you think." It is a wonderful book about making a difference. It helped me to see that even though I am not professionally our helping people and making a difference, I do make a difference to the people around me. I am making a difference in my kids lives (hopefully!)my husband (hopefully again!) and the people around me. I don't have to go to India or China or wherever to impact the world. I can do it right in my home.
The other thing that I feel God revealed to me last night (again in a sobbing melt down) is that I live in a sea of guilt. Guilt over everything and nothing. I realized that I apologize for everything. Things that don't need apologized for. I feel guilt pretty much all the time and it is not healthy. I think a lot of that is
in that need to feel perfect. I feel guilt for not being perfect. When you say it out loud it sounds ridiculous and I would counsel someone about how crazy that is...yet, that is where I am. I think being aware of it today has helped. I have tried to battle it and not give into the feelings. It will probably be a life long battle, but one I feel like God is trying to work on with me.
There were lots of quotes from this book I wanted to share, but this one has really stuck with me the most...a bit silly, but very true.
"There is an eagle in me that wants to soar, and there is a hippopotamus in me that wants to wallow in the mud." Carl Sandburg