Friday, September 22, 2006

Princess on Ice

The child I never placed in pink as a baby has turned into a pretty in pink princess!
It is totally how God designed for a girl to want to be beautiful and a princess. (meaning that she is seen as lovely and important to those around her) It has been neat to see that really come out in Julia.
We went with Gram to see Disney Princess' on Ice last week. Julia really enjoyed seeing all of her "heros."
It was fun to look at all the hundreds of little girls all dressed up in their frilly dresses thinking they were the star of the show.
It makes me think about at what point in our lives as girls do we get the ideas in our heads that it is not ok to think we are beautiful and the star. At some point we get wounded by something that someone says. We are taught then it is not ok to think highly of yourself. You are looked at as conceited if you do. Yet, if you think that you are not beautiful and important, then you have low self-esteem and need therapy.
Oh my, no wonder women are so complicated and messed up.
I pray that we can nurture Julia's feminine heart and protect her from some of the crap that life throws at us.

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Refining Fire

My small group is currently doing John and Stasi Eldridge's book Captivating.
It has been really good.
God has been slicing open parts of my heart to expose to me areas that I need refining.
It is painful. I don't like to be imperfect.
I like to think of myself as a well put together, organized person that is perfect in every way.
That is a load of crap!
I am not put together, and far from perfect.
I hide behind being controlling and organized so people won't see the true me.
The me that often feels empty, lonely and like a failure.
I run to things that "indulge" me to make me feel better. Food being the main one.
I try to control my husband and children, which only makes them and me feel miserable.
All of this because ultimately I fear failure, rejection and emotional abandonment.
So now that I have been totally vulnerable and exposed all of you to the real me....
it is to say that God is changing me.
He is allowing me to work on it and become free from the crap that I have been living in for so long. I don't want to hide anymore. I don't want to control anymore.
I want to live in true freedom.
It will be a long process I am sure. I don't know how to even start.
However. I feel that letting you all in on it will be a good start.
I am sure the people close to me already knew these things - they have just been too nice to point them out to me.
I am truly sorry for any hurt or pain I have caused someone else due to my controlling spirit.
I need lots of prayers with this....It is hard to undo 31 years of habit.

Saturday, September 02, 2006

Harrison Turns Two with Thomas

Today was the BIG 2!
We spent Harrison's birthday riding on Thomas the Train. He loved it.
He had a great day full of Thomas from breakfast to bedtime in his Thomas jammies.
He is such an amazing boy. I just love him so much. I am so thankful that God decided to send me a boy.

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