Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Rambles of my life right now

I realized I hadn't posted in a few weeks so I decided to just ramble.
Life is interesting right now. Lots of uncertainty and craziness, but ultimately I am learning a lot about me and the fact that God is in control not me.
I was telling my mom yesterday that I have discovered that I am a control freak. I am really trying to work on this. It is hard. So I hope people will bear with me while I am restructuring.

Paul is working, which is a good thing, but he is working a lot. We don't see each other much. This has been hard for me. I got used to having him around all the time. It has been hard to readjust to taking care of the kids by myself. Bigger than that it has been hard on our marriage. We have been fortunate that Paul's parents have taken the kids for us a couple of Sundays so we could have date night. We don't know what the future holds with this job, but if his future is not there it has at least been a blessing in the mean time.

My job stuff is uncertain again. The hospital is anticipating at least 30-90 layoffs by July 1. I don't know what that means. It is tough around here. It is making it a frustrating place to work. I am at a point with my job that I would be ok to walk away. I have not felt that way up to this point. That makes me sad.

Our small group moved from our house to another couples place. A big area where I am having to let go. I am in my comfort zone at my house. The girls are currently going through a book on sexual and emotional integrity. Man, it is good. But hard. I am really seeing a lot about me. I am looking at things in a whole new way for the first time. There is so much that I need to work on in my life it is scary. I am trying to look at it positively and deal with one at a time. Normally I would just give up because the list is too long. It is nice to have people in your life that care and hold you accountable.

I am still trying to work out. I haven't been able to go as much as I want to. I am not seeing the results I want because I have this little eating problem. This all goes into some of my issues that I need to work on.

Ok, in the midst of all my issues that God is trying to address with me. I am doing pretty good. We got our house painted, a new deck that will hopefully be stained this week, and my kitchen floor fixed. These are all huge deals to us. We have never been able to do anything to our house. It is funny how doing these home improvements has made me feel like a big person getting to do big people things. I was talking to someone today that for some reason I have this definition that being a "big person" or grown up means that you have money. Only big people get to do home improvements, or go on vacations. So I must not be a big person yet. Crazy I know, but somehow I have correlated this. The fact that I have been married 12 years and have two kids and have past 30 doesn't make me an adult.

Speaking of that, our anniversary is in 12 days. I am so grateful for Paul. I love him more and more every day.

God is faithful and he is sovereign. He is in control. I have to try to find peace and rest in this daily.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Mother's Day - Ode to my mother

Isn't this the most beautiful woman in the world? I think she is. My mother is the greatest mother I know. Not just because she gave birth to me. She is more than that. She is the most giving, caring, wonderful, self-sacrificing, and courageous person in the world. If you know my mother then you know how big her heart is. She continues to give love in extraordinary ways without ever expecting in return.
I love my mom. We have always been close. She has taught me so much about how to love and give to others. We have a neat relationship. We talk almost everyday on the phone. When we are together we can make a hug last forever. She is so precious.
I am so grateful that God chose her to be my mother. Mom, I love you. Thanks for being YOU!

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Warning...Thoughts from my brain!

I don't normally post real serious stuff. I work a serious job and try to leave it at work. I would love to be able to talk about all the unbelievable things I see at work, but due to HIPPA laws I can't. So, anyway...Today I got a post card in the mail from the mayor's office of children and youth/Tennessee Voices for Children. It is an advertisement to become involved with their program and to celebrate National Children's Mental Health Awareness Day on May 8th.
As I read it I became deeply disturbed and not quite sure what to think about it.
The closing paragraph stated the following:

"If you have a child in Tennessee, your child may be at risk. If you are a parent or a community leader, you should be concerned. One out of every 10 children (125,000 in Tennessee) has a serious emotional disturbance, and 1 out of every 5 has a mental health problem."

I have a really hard time swallowing these statistics. My question is what is behind these large numbers? I know that not that many children are born with mental health problems, and my goodness "Serious emotional disturbances!"
I tend to look at things from the lenses of what I experience at work and my opinion is going to blame parents/home situation/schools/day care and lastly perinatal drug use. (I throw the drug use one in there - because it is amazing how many people use drugs while they are pregnant. I do not believe that it is no big deal...Many of the babies I see do not come out with birth defects therefore their mothers don't believe the drugs have harmed their child. I believe the effects we see are behavioral. I feel that is why we see a huge number of children in elementary school with ADD, ADHD and I love the new fad that everyone is bi-polar)

I feel like for my children, we have the parents/home situation and drug use under control, but the school situation is heavy on my mind. With Julia headed to school in about a year I panic. We have no idea what to do with her and school. We do not want to send her to public school, we can't afford private/Christian school and I don't know if we would survive homeschooling. God is going to have to give me divine guidance with this one.

I shutter to think about the future of our world with this many mentally disturbed people running around as adults.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Monkey Boy

The kids and I went to Atlanta for the weekend for my Papa's 98th birthday. We had a wonderful weekend. On Monday my mom and I took the kids to the zoo. It was great. I love this picture of Harrison. He immediately ran up to this monkey statue and hugged her. He is a bull in a china shop (as my mom put it) but he also is such a lovey boy. He has such a sweet spirit.
Julia had fun despite the fact that she had skinned her knees the day before and had informed us that she would no longer be able to walk due to her horrid flesh wound. She is so dramatic! I had a great time with my parents. They are the best!

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