Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Who am I?

Today after a conversation with a good friend I have begin to ponder the question "Who am I?"
I am a wife, mother, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, neighbor, acquaintance.
I could go on and list all the things those positions do, but I won't.
I find myself in an identity crisis. What do I like to do? What are my passions? What are the things in life that give me the desire to get up in the morning?
I realized today that I miss my social worker role. Why?
I miss really helping people. Being in their lives and making a difference.
I miss getting kudos on a job well done. I miss having a reason to get dressed and having people complement your hair, outfit, a job well done.
Being a mom is pretty thankless. There are moments when the kids say thank you, but it is usually prompted by "what do we say..."
I don't have an overwhelming desire to go back to work. I know that is not where I am suppose to be right now. I think I have just lost some of my identity as Amy. I have become Mommy and have let all the things that Amy was passionate about go.
I do have a strong desire to do women's ministry. I enjoy being with other women and battling through struggles such as these. I know God placed desires in women's hearts. We long to be desired and loved, noticed and lavished with attention. I see how strong that is by watching my daughter prance around the room dressed up and practically screaming "look at me." Or asking her brother "how do I look, am I pretty?" Then he answers, "you are fretty." Very cute!
Anyway, that longing never goes away. Even an 80 year old woman wants to know that she is beautiful and longed for.
"Captivating" by Stacy Eldridge was such a great book that every woman, husband and father needs to read.
So, Who am I?
I am not just a mommy, wife, daughter, sister, aunt, friend, neighbor, acquaintance.
I am who God created me to be. I have a heart that longs to be beautiful.
I have a heart that desires to be intimate with Christ. I have a heart that is full of love and compassion for people. I think I have just in the midst of being all of these other things, forgotten my heart.
"In the end, it doesn't matter how well we have performed or what we have accomplished-a life without heart is not worth living. For out of this wellspring of our soul flow all true caring and all meaningful work, all real worship and all sacrifice." ~Brent Curtis and John Eldridge

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