Monday, December 03, 2007


I cannot even begin to describe what God is doing in my life. It is huge!
I have found myself being stripped of every ounce of control I have in my life.
This is a very tough thing for me being the control freak that I am.
I have allowed my heart over the last oh almost 33 years to be hardened. I realized in telling my "story" in small group that God has always been a big part of my life, but I have been legalistic and self-righteous. I have followed all the "rules" in life not out of my love for Christ, but out of rule following to be the perfect person so that others would be impressed by my perfection. Ouch!
God has found me lying in the mud eating dirt. He has through some tough stuff that is going on showed me that I am not perfect. He showed me the dirt that I am settling for. He found me at the well and he has given me water to drink.
My heart feels a freedom that I have never felt before. It is good and it is scary at the same time. I am afraid of feeling prideful and falling in the dirt again.
I know that temptation will come my way and I will snack on a morsel of dirt every now and again. But I feel like I now know how to get to the water again.
I feel this love from Christ that I have not had before. I knew he loved me, but I had never felt this intimacy before.

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